Ask a Redhead #2!

August 3, 2007

In our second installment of Ask a Redhead!, Tom writes:

“I heard that redheads don’t like other redheads, is this true? If so, why?”

This is only partially true, Tom. It’s a little known fact that Redheads evolved from Japanese fighting fish. In his book On the Origin of Species, Charles Darwin stated that fish walked out of the water and became mankind. He didn’t get into specific breeds, but when you think about it, it’s kind of obvious. Anyway, that’s where Redheads come from–Japanese fighting fish. Through the couple of hundreds of years that humans evolved from legged fish into the way we look today, the Japanese fighting fish, or redheads, didn’t get along too well. For about 30 years there could only be one Japanese fighting fish/redhead (at this time, the man/fish line started to blur) per village as putting them together often resulted in a bit of blood and a lot of hurt feelings. However, evolution being the beautiful thing it is, our brains developed, and like every other fish, we learned how to rationalize, think critically, and use logic to solve problems. Over time, redheads, like the rest of mankind, adapted to their new environments, and lived together in communities much like we live in today.

So, while homes were built, economies were established, and new places were settled upon, Redheads learned to live amongst each other in relative peace. That’s not to say that the primal instinct to violently remove another Redhead’s appendages upon sight doesn’t exist. It does. It’s just not as pronounced. And it took a very long time to achieve this level of neutrality.

Take note next time you see two Redheads cross paths. The sound of grinding teeth through their smiling facades is unavoidable. And never, ever put two redheads in the same body of water.