Ask a Redhead! #1

August 1, 2007

So, based on strangely high amount of traffic I got to my page today, I’m going to start the “Ask a Redhead!” advice column. Redheads always have great and interesting things to say, so keep those questions coming in.

For our first installment of Ask a Redhead!, Jane writes:

“I heard that if you sleep with a red head your offspring are more likely to have red hair even if your having another partners child. Is there any truth to this?”

Great question Jane! There is truth to this. In fact, it’s all truth and nothing but truth, so help me Boris Becker.

This is how it works; Because redheads are such an anomaly in society, their DNA has to work thrice as hard to perpetuate their bloodline. This means that the rules that apply to normal sexual contact go right out the window. If a red sperm passes through the series of tubes in a woman’s body without successfully penetrating the egg, it doesn’t die–it goes dormant. There it just sits around, flicks its tail up on the table and watches TV until a batch of non-red sperm swim through the hood. That’s when the red sperm’s survival instincts kick in. The moment any other species of sperm is detected, the red sperm B-lines for the egg. It’s an epic battle between the two species, and in most cases (87.5% to be accurate), the two species of sperm enter the egg simultaneously, thus increasing the chances of having a redheaded child.

This rule, of course, only applies to male sperm in the female anatomy. It should also be known that these chances increase exponentially in every sexual encounter with a redhead. It’s just the gene’s way of saying “me too!”

I hope that answered your question, Jane.

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2 Responses to “Ask a Redhead! #1”

  1. Tom said

    I heard that redheads don’t like other redheads, is this true? If so, why?

  2. M said

    What a great explanation. Thanks for sharing this little known fact about the Red sperm with Jane. I’m an auburn haired/brown eyed female. Jane, apparently you weren’t aware of another bit of astonishing-but-true folklore surrounding the Redhead. Our IQs (and correspoding ability to create and comprehend satire) are far superior to the average Jane.

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