This is why you can’t have nice things

May 29, 2007

So I find myself here in Calgary. If it weren’t for a girl, I wouldn’t touch this town with a ten foot pole. Although I’ve been well occupied, amused and entertained while here, the city itself should just cease to exist.

I left warm, sunny Vancouver, and stepped off a plane an hour later to 3 degree Celcius weather. A 45$ cab ride across a barren tundra of construction and poor city infrastructure later, Leah and I arrived at her apartment in what I’m told is the North West corner of the city. Her apartment overlooks some other apartments and a vague silhouette of the Rocky Mountains.

Often called Texas Lite, Calgary is home to the wealthiest people in Canada, as everyone has some sort of vested interest in oil here. It’s also the conservative capital of Canada, which makes it tempting to walk around with a thong and pink shirt that says “My parents don’t know I’m gay” just to see what happens. However, seeing the very end of Brokeback Mountain would dissuade anyone from pulling such antics. Anyway, it’s a city that completely lacks any personality, and is probably the most culturally irrelevant metropolis in Canada, if not the world.

I spent the first day slaying Guitar Hero II, and not much else, as being in the North West corner of Calgary is the equivalent of being in Burlington to Toronto–only worse. When Leah returned from work we indulged in some of the gross things couples do behind closed doors, went for a walk through a park then came back to her place, watched some 24 and went to bed.

Next day was a road trip to Banff. If you’ve never been to, or heard of Banff, well, it’s the prettiest place in the world. The Canadian Rockies is truly the most breath-taking scenery that has ever graced my eyes. I’ll post a picture, but it doesn’t even come close to actually being there and taking it all in.
We went for what was supposed to be a two hour hike, but we quit two hours in as it was another hour to the top and walking uphill for more than two hours is an activity that is exclusively reserved for non-smokers.
We then drove through the Banff area, looking at the mountains, taking pictures of deer, caribou and other pretty things, then met up with my old friend Sean who is earning his keep at a sports store in the town. We enjoyed a couple of beers, then went back to Calgary.

Aside from things that don’t involve heavy breathing and a complete lack of clothing, that was the highlight of my trip.


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